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cramps, tears and a whole lot of nonsense.

my goodness, this weekend was filled with drama. and it wasn’t so much the bad kind of drama, just sad stuff and everything that comes with it. it wasn’t the typical easter for me. easter holidays were so traditional growing up. food, family and laughter was what it was all about. mom would bake ham(which i suppose i used to eat willingly), there would be miles and miles of scrumptious yummies, games and other festivities and just plain happiness. oh, how i miss holidays on cape cod.

this year, easter was nothing like that. my father and two sisters came up from siesta key (where my dad has a resort) to come visit us and especially my brother (who is leaving for afghanistan in two weeks). we spent the entire weekend swimming, grilling and being retarded as hell. i loved it! being together for the holidays is the most important thing to a very family-oriented person like me. everything was perfect, and i wasn’t gonna let anything (not even my horrific cramps) ruin it for me.

well, at least until the ‘goodbyes’ started. my momma was supposed to take scotty to the airport by herself, to see him off. this wasn’t gonna fly with me. so i rounded everyone up and we loaded into my dad’s SUV, my momma’s mustang and my vw and we sped down to tampa like crazy people. the whole way, i was twirling my hair and playing with my rings, dreading the moment i had to let my brother go.

note: my brother and i are only 18 months apart. for as long as i can remember, it has always been us. i’ve never known a day that he has not been my little sidekick, my best friend. and just knowing that even though it’s a small one, but any chance of him not returning might as well be large because it depresses me.

well, traffic was a pain. there were so many people on the road, being that it was easter sunday and the airports were packed. finding a parking spot was a hassle and right as we got out of the car, i got the text message:

“amanda, he already boarded. we can’t see him.” -my sister cassie.

i simply broke down. my only brother, my last chance to see him and i messed it up. i couldn’t believe it. regardless, i tried to make a run for it, kiri in one arm and my purse on the other, with robert and my friends paige and chris in tow. we hoofed it onto the elevator and RAN up the escalators. but it was too late. my mom met us at the top, tears flowing all over the place and explained to me that because of the hustle and bustle of easter and so many flights going out, his flight had been moved up and if he would have been any later, he would have missed it completely. my heart sunk and i sobbed. IN THE MIDDLE OF TPA! my gosh! looking back on it, i must have looked completely idiotic, screaming and crying in front of everyone. but at the time, i didn’t care. i felt like a part of me had been ripped away and it didn’t feel good. but i clung to the window, the one overlooking the runway and i watched his plane take off. probably looking like the BIGGEST creeper in the entire world. but again, i didn’t care.

on a good note though. i talked to my dad and he said he’d like to go up to fort campbell before scotty ACTUALLY leaves on the 20th and he’d like to spend the weekend on base and whatnot. which, in my opinion, is better. that way, i’d actually get a chance to say goodbye and it’d be a lot less stressful for him. i’m eeeeeelated at this point.

so, easter ended with just a bunch of cramps, tears and a WHOLE lot of nonsense. boy, i love my life and everyone in it.

hope everyone had a great holiday. thanks for letting me rant and god bless.

-a.

totally decided.

totally deciding;

to delete my myspace. i don’t ever use it and frankly, it bores me. i erased 90% of my other social networking sites and only kept my myspace to keep in contact with family who hadn’t ventured into the facebooking scene yet. but i get so annoyed when i go through the retarded log in process, just to do nothing. it’s a waste of time and space. so, after almost five years of having one, i’ll most likely be deleting it today.

to make a blogspot. and i did. it’s nothing much—-yet. but it IS a lot easier to use than tumblr. those of you who follow me, can also do so at http://mandaispeace.blogspot.com/. apologies go out to megan for the half name stealing, but lately i have been thinking about ‘what’s in a name?’ and i realized that i wanted my blog to explain who i am as a person and what i truly want out of life. that, being peace, love and happiness. all three wouldn’t fit, two would be overkill, so i just stuck with peace. it’s totally not a knock off, i promise.

to change my lifestyle, drastically. people who know me, know that i am the biggest hippie alive. i try to be the greenest, most eco-conscious, drama-free, healthy, fun loving, carefree as possible. and i’m gonna further that. i wanna start recycling, making a difference in my community and start going to mommy groups in my area to learn how to grow as a momma. i want to be a person who has an impact in more people’s lives than just those i am related to. back in high school, i was president of the social inclusion club (which helped handicapped or wheel chair bound kids interact with regular students) and it was such a fulfillment for me. i adored those kids and i miss doing for others. plus, i want kiri to grow up accepting children like that and not being like the many ignorant teens that didn’t when i was in school. it was disheartening to learn that so many people could turn their heads away from such wonderful people. but, i guess that’s how the world is. however, it isn’t how i am. or how kiri will be either. thus, why i’m gonna start doing something with my life. something real and meaningful.

as for right now, i’m gonna head out to make some memories with my little family and have some fun! beach or hiking? i don’t know. let’s see where we end up.

-a.